Help My Unbelief

Leaving the hospital last Friday, I asked my mother in-law, "Did the last month really happen?"

I could never have prepared for what January and February held for Emily and me. The surreality of the entire time still stuns me. In fact, I already agonize over my failings as a father, husband and pastor. Yet, thankfully, God's grace is what I am resting on and not my own abilities -- the severity of their inadequacy has become painfully clear. Even congratulatory and encouraging comments from friends and family stop short of penetrating the "fog" we have gone through.

I honestly am stunned by all of this. I don't think I even cried much -- outside of those early hours when we didn't think Britton was going to make it at all -- until the day we left the hospital. The NICU is a different place. You hate being there, but then you begin to rely upon it. After 37 days, we knew no other way of caring for our son, but through the expertise of others. It was a scary day to drive up to the patient discharge area. I watched the video that Emily made and just began to see God's hand in each day of the last month. He was healing Britton physically, and restoring Emily and me spiritually. I had watched the rough draft of the video 5o times emotionless, but when we finally left the NICU, I was overwhelmed with emotion.



This song titled Help My Unbelief has really impacted me as I've struggled to accept God answering my pleas for mercy. From the depths I have petitioned Him and He has heard my voice.

I know the Lord is nigh, and would but cannot pray, For Satan meets me when I try, and frights my soul away, and frights my soul away.

I would but can’t repent, Though I endeavor oft; This stony heart can ne’er relent Till Jesus makes it soft. Till Jesus make it soft.

Help my unbelief. Help my unbelief. Help my unbelief. My help must come from Thee.

I would but cannot love, Though wooed by love divine; No arguments have power to move. A soul as base as mine. A soul so base as mine.

Help my unbelief. Help my unbelief. Help my unbelief. My help must come from Thee.

I would but cannot rest, In God’s most holy will; I know what He appoints is best, And murmur at it still. I murmur at it still.

www.redmountainmusic.com

I have asked (and continue to ask) for God's people to lift up Britton in prayer and for his healing; for Emily and me to have the grace to handle whatever came our way; and for the doctors and nurses who gave Britton the best of care, and God has answered the cries of His people! Britton's life has done more for my faith than I could have ever wanted or imagined. A friend emailed me last week, sharing that their small daughter loves hearing how God is daily answering her prayers for Britton when they check our blog. I guess it hit me as tears ran down my face, that God has been so good to us. He IS answering our prayers. We have no idea how many people have actually prayed for Britton, but we do know that it is beyond anything we could have done on our own. We keep hearing of churches that have lifted him up in their services, placing us on their prayer chains. It is good for our souls to hear...

In a study I led this morning, these words from BB Warfield stood out to me. God has embraced us so tightly this year and at times I do not even recognize it is He, not I, in whom I rejoice.

"There is nothing in us or done by us at any stage of our earthly development because of which we are acceptable to God. We must always be accepted for Christ's sake or we cannot ever be accepted at all. This is not true of us only 'when we believe', it is just as true after we have believed. It will continue to be true as long as we live...It is always, on His 'blood and righteousness' alone that we can rest. There is never anything that we are or have or do that can take His place or that take a place along with Him. We are always unworthy, and all that we have or do of good is always of pure grace."

Britton will be a constant reminder to us of the miracle God has done and is doing in our lives!